Me and the 37-hour fast

[kyrasantae]

The body is strong but the spirit is weak.

"All I can do is to do what I can, and leave the rest to God."



Look, tonight is the very first time I'm going to be introduced to sing as a soloist in a performance. I want to be excited, but I can't, because I don't want to think about work until after it, which means that it's going to be a long, long night...

[09:27:02] Tuuli Mustasydän: i have to make it through to the end somehow
[09:27:22] Tuuli Mustasydän: if i fail, then i show my parents that look, this 
     isn't what i'm cut out for, okay, i'm moving out and finding my own way 
     in life
[09:28:08] Tuuli Mustasydän: if i pass, then, well, i'll get an academic term 
     to do what i like doing - studying - and in that time i hope i can get my 
     mental issues dealt with with a shrink or something or more drugs or something
[09:28:48] Sarah: yeah but from the sounds of it, this whole thing is causing 
     you tons of difficulties. if you quit, the sanity you gain will probably be 
     more beneficial than proving to your parents they were wrong
[09:28:58] Tuuli Mustasydän: yeah i know i thought of that too
[09:29:13] Tuuli Mustasydän: but if i go on at least there's an inkling of hope
[09:29:29] Tuuli Mustasydän: if i quit my life as i know it will be over, no 
     ifs, ands, or buts
[09:29:51] Sarah: yeah but do you really like the life you have now?
[09:29:52] Tuuli Mustasydän: i promised them that i'd be confident, that i'd 
     make it through
[09:30:13] Tuuli Mustasydän: so i want to be able to say, i've done what i can
[09:30:40] Tuuli Mustasydän: i know, i thought -- you know, maybe if i were to 
     live on my own, have my own job, have my own life, i'd start to be happy 
     again...even without having to go to finland
[09:30:58] Tuuli Mustasydän: but i don't want to be a failure
[09:31:03] Tuuli Mustasydän: like all those other times i have been