Paratiisista poissa -- yhden vuoden jälkeen

[kyrasantae]

It was snowing in Jyväskylä on the morning of 18.5.2008. It is snowing now in Edmonton, on the morning of 18.5.2009.

So much else has changed in between, but my faith remains unshaken. (It truly is easiest to view the whole thing with analogy to religion, as I have borrowed concepts and rituals from religion, and it also fulfills similar spiritual needs as religion.)

Poetry has become unutterable, words failing me. Fragments of titles, but no content. Nothing else compares and nothing else is worthy of such words than that which I already cannot describe.

Photos I dare not look at too much, lest I remember only the pictures and not the undocumented stories, but the photos are all that I can really share. And for some, a year is too long ago. It's old. It's wanha. But a pilgrimage is only the beginning of a much deeper faith.

I have seen myself go out of my way to help my friends even if I don't agree with how they got themselves into trouble or if they have opposite values from me, trust where others didn't trust because of their own fears, not shying from responsibilities and even giving myself responsibilities.

Do not fear people; fear uncertainty. Define your principles and stick to them. Be focused on what you want, but be realistic about it.

In the latest incarnation of my living space, I have put away any extraneous Dutch symbolism. It's not like I'm going back.

Just as Alex in Goodbye Lenin! antagonizes his family and friends by spending so much time and effort to (re)create an ideal East Germany for his mother based on his memories and imaginative reinterpretation of the present, I create an ideal mini-Finland in Canada with my brief memories and my imagination. It is "always" a "holiday", so the flag is always up - or is that Canadianness sneaking in, or is it the symbol of the cross of my faith?

I'm still really sensitive to people joking about some things though, even if those things aren't specifically Finnish. While with conventional religion there are subjects we come to know to tread carefully around because they are especially touchy for some believers, my boundaries are ill-defined and it's hard to know where they are and when they're transgressed.

I have come no closer to understanding the origins of all this. But is it really necessary to fully understand precisely the historical genesis of these beliefs?

Comments

*grammar nitpick*

[(Anonymous)]

I would start the title like this: "Poissa paratiisista".

--AOK--

Re: *grammar nitpick*

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the tip. (Does it have anything to do with agreement between external/internal cases, i.e. elative and inessive cases tend to go together, or something like that?)


Whether to use the external/internal locative case thing isn't always very obvious (since it's filed under the difficulties regarding locational prepositions...stuff across languages), but I'll keep the reversed word order for emphasis ;)

Re: *grammar nitpick*

[(Anonymous)]

Something like that. For bigger places (I guess paradise is rather big) like cities you usually use ssa/sta.

Examples: olen talossa / kaupungissa / Helsingissä / Lapissa / Suomessa / Euroopassa.

Smaller places: olen katolla / kirkonkylällä / Utsjoella.

Although, there are many irregularities. Some places use the former even though they aren't very big: olen Kouvolassa / Pietarsaaressa
and some bigger the latter: olen Tampereella / Vantaalla / Uudellamaalla (I don't like the modern form "Uusimaalla")

--AOK--

Re: *grammar nitpick*

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

My favourite exception is Russia. I mean, Russia is pretty... big. REALLY big. But you can't be *in* it, you can only be *on* it :P