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So I became quite sick today drinking about half of a glass of beer and eating a veggie sandwich and a bowl of curried soup. And by sick I mean drunk. And by drunk I mean breaking into a sudden sweat and the feeling in my arms and legs became very very sensitive, that is, even the smallest pressure on them like resting my head on my arm or crossing my legs would make them numb. And feeling woozy. And a very scary disorientation when I got out of my chair to make a run for the washroom. Staggering, the world spinning around me.

Needless to say, I pretty much found myself needing to sit down for a while (not gonna lie down on a restaurant washroom floor. No. Just no.) and time speeds up and I try to drink water with a straw which is hard when you really want to just put your head down on the table. (I have come to expect at least some disorientation with drinking alcohol, which is why I try to remember to carry a walking stick if I go anywhere with the intent of possibly drinking.)

I messaged CFJ to ask him to please come carry me outside or walk me home or whatever and he just seemed so...resentful about it. He has a habit of hiding his feelings when he shouldn't, and speaking his mind when he shouldn't. (That's why we semi-amicably broke up at the end of the summer. I mean, I know I've been super-clingy since and still showing up at his place a lot when I ought to give him some space, but.. ) He was like "sigh I'm coming now" and he comes to get me and he says "You know, I was in the middle of a Magic tournament online" and it's just ... like he's BOTHERED by having to help out a buddy in need.

I've stayed home for the last couple of days, but as evident from the time at which I'm posting this, I get all this ennui and don't want to go to bed until very very very late and my body just wants to shut down when I'm here; while if I spend the night at his place I usually go to bed between 10:30 and 12 because he does and I feel tired and I wouldn't want to keep playing Guild Wars 2 on his TV screen while he's trying to sleep (muting just won't do). On the other hand, I can better take care of my skin care needs here, but better my dental needs there. So I don't know. In the grand scheme of things I think maybe good rest is a little bit more important than good hygiene, though both are important.

He was struggling the other day with finding a nice way to tell me to go away, and it's obvious that I got the message and stayed home, yet he seemed very indifferent when I admitted that every day without seeing him still really really sucks.

I've asked him before how and why he still puts up with me, and his only answer is "I don't know". But I see now, that "I don't know" here really means "I know but there's no point telling you because it's not going to change your mind about whatever you have in mind". But sometimes you need to know, right?

As for the drunkenness - something similar happened earlier this year and I also wasn't able to finish one serving of alcohol before I got similarly sick but not quite as drastically. The only other thing in common? Eating curry. So I think alcohol and curry don't mix. Anyone know why, and maybe it's related to my sensitivity to spicy food and how that makes my hands numb?

(I suppose today I was also very famished; the server remarked that I finished eating my meal very quickly. It's likely that I drank too quickly while I was at it. I don't remember what the context was the other time.)
kyrasantae: (Default)
There were a couple of new people at LOLchoir (that is, as opposed to Concert Choir, aka SRSchoir / FUNchoir) today, so we went around introducing ourselves by which parts of Finland we were from. (This seems, in my very limited experience, much more usual with these Finnish-Canadians than it is with Hong Kongers asking each other what their 鄉下 [heung haa, ancestral village/region] in China is.) As may be expected, this doesn't really apply to me, but I suppose I like to think that my Finnish past life must have been a Tamperelainen.

Mrs CF still hasn't let go of her prejudices against me. But seeing as she's the only person anyone knows of who actually takes The Mongerer (henceforth CrazyLady) seriously, it might be more fruitful to divert efforts toward combating this other fact rather than appealing to my reputation or my desires and stuff like that.

I couldn't go to the cabin for Thanksgiving because CF had to take Mrs CF - which meant that I was out - and nobody else I'd be comfortable riding with was going. I was originally super-upset about this - is it not just a little bit selfish to not put aside our differences between us for a maximum of six hours (and just pretend I'm invisible or not there or something even during those six hours) so that I could have a HAPPY EFFING THANKSGIVING WEEKEND in the only place that I know of nearby at which I can ACTUALLY let out my frustrations and have some peace and quiet animal noises? And EFFING SAUNA?! And to see AwesomeGramps? (It's certainly a bit circular that access to a safe release for my frustrations is the very thing that is frustrating me.)

Meanwhile in town, Jaana and her husband wanted to make a nice meal for the holiday, so she invited me over, and I brought a special guest - CF Jr. Jaana had casually remarked that one of the boys-who-like-a-little-target-practice-while-they're-out-there was at the cabin this weekend, so my heart lightened. Kind of hard to deny that something divine has been at work here, keeping me away from the lake whenever people are going to end up goofing around with things-involving-gunpowder. Not to mention that I'm starting to wean myself off my psych meds now, and the last thing I want is a trigger situation (pun intended) for my as-yet-unexplored violent tendencies. Remember, don't drink and drive. Nor drink and stab. And definitely don't drink and shoot.

So since I was stuck here for the weekend, I spent most of it with CF Jr. And nausea and a headache. (It's from the medications, I'm sure.) He had briefly appeared during Heritage Days with his mother, during the part with the "scandalous" stuff involving me and CF and the boat. On a whim I contacted him a few weeks ago. Turns out he's the fantasy-gaming-geek kind of type, complete with M:tG cards and WH40k armies. He's way more into that stuff that I ever was, but hey, common interests. He never seems to have much to do so we've been hanging around, watching movies and eating pizza. He'd never watched Finnish movies before. Since he doesn't really talk to his parents anymore unless he absolutely has to, he's been finding it amusing to hear me retell some of their antics. Because of the emotional distance from his family, he hasn't really shown up at FinnSoc stuff for probably like a decade, so nobody there really knows him.

I'd be lying to say that I don't kind of fancy him, but it's not that way at all; I'm clingy as hell to anyone who shows a shred of actually caring about who I am and willing to spend time with me, it's generally frowned upon for girls (especially those with higher education) to court people of less education, and he understands but doesn't speak Finnish anymore. (And he TOTALLY has his mother's forehead.)

He has more M:tG cards than he has stuff to do with, so along with a laser printer and some rubber cement (though spray glue would be so much more efficient), I can be a DIY card game maker! But only in black and white.

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kyrasantae

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