kyrasantae | Preserved for...something or other

[01:21:30 AM]
DarkFlash: what do you think makes you nervous?
DarkFlash: being away from home?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: feeling vulnerable to predators
DarkFlash: interesting...
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i'm afraid people want to hurt me because i'm so different
DarkFlash: different?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: state of mind.
DarkFlash: do you carry your knife with you everywhere on campus?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: nope, i've done it on a couple of occasions but not all the time
DarkFlash: I don't feel that you have a different state of mind...
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i have a different kinda vision of who I think i should be
DarkFlash: Are you fulfilling this different vision of yourself?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i can't
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it speaks from a different age
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it's sorta something out of fantasy....
DarkFlash: right now, or what you'd want to be?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: my vision
DarkFlash: so what is this vision?
DarkFlash: Can you tell me?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i imagine myself as being independent of written law, free to deliver my own justice, to be known, to be feared, to be the keeper of and wield the difference between life and death
DarkFlash: is there anything that you see as particularly wrong with the laws and justice of today, or is it just the power to control them that you seek?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i want the power to control which people should live in this society, based on their core values that influence their actions.
DarkFlash: do you see something wrong in today's society that provokes you to want to do that?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i see something wrong in the *people* i am around all the time. I'm not sure if i'd think that adults were also deserving of this cleansing but this generation definitely needs a little cleaning up. although- sometimes adults are to blame...
DarkFlash: You know what, I agree
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: oh joy
DarkFlash: There's nothing wrong with wanting to live in a better society and having high standards
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it's not really 'high standards' at all
DarkFlash: what shocks me is that, somewhat curiously, you outcast yourself because you seek better
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it's a high moral standard that simply will not find a place within the general public
DarkFlash: Half-jokingly, there are about 10 student groups waiting for you to join them
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i cannot find the place where i wish to be ... without the whole power thing
DarkFlash: So why do you believe that you setting a high moral standard reflects negatively on you?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it doesn't help to be with like-minded people because what i want to do is either change or eliminate those who don't believe in these high standards
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: because other people don't understand
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it's an uphill battle for a somewhat conservative moral standard
DarkFlash: Does it make you mad or sad that you can't change those that don't fit your standards?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: both
DarkFlash: Do you believe you're the only one with such high standards, or do some other people have what you're looking for?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i'm pretty sure there's other people, but i don't think they have the same sort of violent urge building up inside them and wanting to have the same pressure on other people to change
DarkFlash: how do you think they deal with it then?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i think people just learn to accept it
DarkFlash: so why is it that you don't want to do the same? Do you see it as giving up a noble cause? An impossible cause? A worthless cause? A cause to huge to support alone?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: because if i simply allow it to be around me then i do not fulfill my vision. it also would make me live forever in disappointment that people could ever be like that, and never ever understand why I also hold the values that I do.
DarkFlash: But how are you allowing people to discover your values if these same values cause you to feel depressed and not share them?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i do share them
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: they just don't listen
DarkFlash: How? With who?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: just tell me that i'm wrong
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: not even a second thought
DarkFlash: Hell no
DarkFlash: I think you're right in many many aspects
DarkFlash: But that you're going about it wrong
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: even my parents tell me to just suck it up and live with it
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it causes me pain that i cannot figure out *why* these people think the way they do, so i can give them good reasons why my values work better
DarkFlash: Let's take a look at the flipside of the coin for a moment...
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: ...
DarkFlash: should people you disapprove of share their values that, in their opinion, work better?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: why not
DarkFlash: good answer
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: lol
DarkFlash: So what does this amount to?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: but what sets people like me apart is that a) we are a minority; b) we are seen as foolish to be conservative
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: or so it seems
DarkFlash: Basically, from what I can see, you're believing in the society as it is today - some people naturally disagreeing about what is right and what is wrong. You just told me that it's okay to have people of divergent viewpoints, despite you wanting to hold the same views you do. Essentially, you're like everyone else in this world. You're just more impulsive to see concrete results that your efforts are having an effect, and it's frustrating you that you aren't getting that.
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: good goin'
DarkFlash: Furthmore, you seem to adopt a position that suggests you believe that the other side is 'winning'
DarkFlash: Tell me, am I wrong?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i feel that, for some reason, and i can't prove this concretely, that the whole university experience as it is commonly perceived is influenced by the values of the general people, and thus this is reflected in the SU and any activity organizers.
DarkFlash: I agree.
DarkFlash: But then again, shouldn't it?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: it puts a disproportionate amount of pressure on the rest of us to either conform or be alienated
DarkFlash: If we are human, and humans make up these groups, and humans inherantely have flaws, then isn't it natural that these groups would also have flaws?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i'm again reminded of that time when i felt like punching that kid who tried to tell me that university was about partying, not school
DarkFlash: haha, you should have.
DarkFlash: But I think you're forgetting one thing
DarkFlash: 'thank the fools, for without them, you couldn't advance' -Mark Twain
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: never heard it before
DarkFlash: Do you see what I'm getting at though?
DarkFlash: Trust me, you might not see it yet, but you integrety and good character will shine through
DarkFlash: Some prof will notice
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i just don't know how i'll ever be lauded as a role model
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: makes me feel like i'm in the wrong place
DarkFlash: but isn't being a role model want you want to be - the power to motivate people to change without forcing them?
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: partially... but i know passive change is never going to happen
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: i believe that part of these people's values are ingrained during childhood, and thus are very very difficult, if not impossible, to change
DarkFlash: I agree
DarkFlash: how you'll be lauded as a role model - well, I see on your LJ that you're helping out a few execs; you'll meet people, and your connections will grow
DarkFlash: but you focus too much on the negative.
DarkFlash: Life is one hell of a bitch if you do that all the time
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: but i'm an exec for the farking ENGINEERS' club
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: they EXPECT us to be.... something i'm not.
Tuuli Mustasydän on yksinäinen: and i often fear that i have no choice but to beat it into them that that's not what i am
[02:03:31 AM]