Daily whining [journal]

[kyrasantae]

[Note to Mike: If you want to avoid my more poetic writings, read my longer entries. And btw, you try being poetic. It's harder than it appears.]

After the 6am fire drill which sounded like an air-raid siren (maybe the device hails from that period?), I was pretty darn conscious for my chem class. But conscious doesn't mean awake. Finger started numbing again. One of my teeth started hurting again when I flossed it. I think it's a cavity near the base of the tooth, because it kind of goes a painful cold numb when I bite down hard on it [sometimes] (and it goes like that when I floss it). The gap between the window screen + the inner pane of glass makes a great beer cooler at night. That is, if it's not 20°C outside at 8pm. Thankfully I finished my physics homework today, because I need to do ENGG 130 homework tomorrow (so I don't have to take any textbooks home for the weekend). And although it's done rather hastily and messily, it won't take much to copy it out neatly again.

At this rate I estimate I'll go through a small bottle of Finlandia in 1.5 months and a 12-pack of beer in a month. Pricey, isn't it? Maybe if I got more variety it'd last longer, but that's not economical. It's also scary. My dad never drank this often, even if Grandpa was an alcoholic. But just a big every day is better than getting wasted often, and it's not like [I'm drinking] those crazy strong Chinese spirits. One doesn't mix those. They're supposed to be drunk straight. That's creepy. I am getting scared of myself.

It's not like I suffer any withdrawal symptoms (probably because I drink in such small quantities), but surviving each day here is an achievement in itself, and my heart cries out, "reward yourself with a drink!" and I put it off for as long as I can but I can't do that forever. Although it's nice to, if doing so, to drink right before bed so that you can sleep the fuzzy effects off. Unless that's what you want. Distressing. After gulping down one bottle in 30 minutes I can't walk straight. I didn't know I was that weak. At least my chest isn't throbbing...yet?

Comments

[kp-mike.livejournal.com]

You know, you could always try rewarding yourself with something non-alcoholic. All these bullshit excuses trying to rationalize your way out of your addiction aren't helping any, either. In fact, they're just making you look that much more pitiful. I'm sorry for my increased bluntness and cynicism as of late, but that seems to be the only way I can get a point across sometimes.

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

I don't take points. I've never taken points. I've always made it a goal to somehow find out why I do all of the things I do, and if that means self-pity, so be it.

I'd try to open my eyes and look for something new... but I am blinded by being alone and resentment towards just about everything...about the people around me - I miss my friends back home. Half of them won't talk to me on MSN because they're too busy studying. And my new friends just don't see me often enough to be willing to lend me a hand for support.

I can't work on my painting when the sun has gone down, because it's too dark in the room even with the lights on. And by the time I'm finished my homework, it's too late at night to use the piano downstairs because that will keep people from sleeping.

It's so cold here! I miss being able to walk outside after classes and still have a nice and beautiful afternoon free to enjoy - to go shopping, to go to a coffee shop with a friend and sit outside on the patio...but here I end up - sitting in a dimly lit kitchen with friends, getting frustrated over homework. Instead of being empowered by the night like I should be, I am frightened of the parties and the drunks and the whatever shady business that goes on after dark.

P.S. Is there somewhere where I can buy art supplies like watercolour paper on campus? The bookstore doesn't stock art supplies...

yet another advantage of UofC

[(Anonymous)]

"P.S. Is there somewhere where I can buy art supplies like watercolour paper on campus? The bookstore doesn't stock art supplies..."

Our bookstore does carry artsie stuff like that too :P

Odd-boy

Re: yet another advantage of UofC

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

I know it does. So does UBC. It's not like I've never been there.

Heard from Mike: The Art Store in HUB basement is only open to Arts students, mostly because the prices are lowered so much they can't afford to open it to the public. But I know some *other* arts students who may just be nice enough :)