Gender expectations / Crazyfinn
Jul. 12th, 2011 08:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantae
I infer from what I have been told by Crazyfinn and AwesomeFinnishGramps that Mrs Crazyfinn is intimidated by me (and I also infer that Leena feels the same way for similar reasons) at camp. It's my temper, I'm sure, which she ignites so often exactly those embers of the frustrations that I have with my mother (please treat me like an adult!), and how Mrs Crazyfinn seems to exude the same constant negativity that my mother does.
But I think it's also my tomboyishness, that I don't prefer to do womanly things like housework and would rather go see what the men are up to. I sit on the men's side of the bench on sauna breaks because I find their conversation more interesting. I don't drink girly drinks like coolers.
I think that it is very possible that transgressing gender expectations in this way feels threatening to someone very socially conservative like Mrs Crazyfinn (she doesn't like contemporary fiction because 'it has too much swearing').
For one thing, I know for sure that Mrs Crazyfinn is scared that I usually (not always) carry a knife at camp. I try to keep it covered by my shirt when my shirt is long enough to do so and I don't make a big deal of showing it off, nor do I take it out unless I'm actually using it to clean my fingernails or carving a stick or picking flowers. (Actually if I'm carving I'll have at least two knives, one for rough work and one for fine detail.)
I'm quite self-conscious about being seen with them.1 The few minutes I spent actually trying to throw knives at the wood shed I did first thing in the morning before anybody else was awake, and when Markku came by and saw me after he went fishing, I let him have a go at it and then I went to put them away.
Perhaps it's fear that I'll one day explode and people are gonna get hurt. That's understandable. I've only really exploded in front of people twice (both at university) and fortunately I wasn't armed, so only papers were torn and tables slammed upon. Even so, I'm terrified of hurting people physically (it's why I didn't practice sparring drills when I was in martial arts, even though we had padded gloves and stuff). But hey, ever tried just keeping your nose out of my business? It's not like I put my nose into yours. It'll help.
But I really can't dismiss the feeling that my personality has a lot in common with that of Crazyfinn. Stubborn like hell; can talk obsessively about some subjects (him: booze/hunting; me: semantics/culture); collects books; can talk forever about our own photographs; likes language and math puzzles, taking things apart, and fine manual work (him: electronics; me: art). Can get upset over really small things. Doesn't always think before one speaks, and sucks a little at reading social cues. On the flip side: Tries super-hard to be, if one cannot be civilized and nice, at least helpful in some way.
People warned me to be careful around Crazyfinn. Frankly, I don't find him nearly as scary as they've tried to lead me to believe. Oh sure, sometimes I feel a need to tread carefully around him, but he has NOT crossed the line with me and in fact I think he might even be deliberately trying not to.
So if that means that he and I make the same enemies/animosities, then so be it. I don't think he'd mind at all actually having someone like-minded around.
_________
1 Freaky fact that long-time followers of this LJ may recall -- I used to carry a frickin' arsenal - to class - with me sometimes, back in freshman year. I don't anymore. It's been replaced by the sword-shaped pendant I wear on a necklace. Maybe three people knew about it: me, my then-boyfriend, and, uh, ... dang it, there's got to have been a third person. But I don't remember whom.
But I think it's also my tomboyishness, that I don't prefer to do womanly things like housework and would rather go see what the men are up to. I sit on the men's side of the bench on sauna breaks because I find their conversation more interesting. I don't drink girly drinks like coolers.
I think that it is very possible that transgressing gender expectations in this way feels threatening to someone very socially conservative like Mrs Crazyfinn (she doesn't like contemporary fiction because 'it has too much swearing').
For one thing, I know for sure that Mrs Crazyfinn is scared that I usually (not always) carry a knife at camp. I try to keep it covered by my shirt when my shirt is long enough to do so and I don't make a big deal of showing it off, nor do I take it out unless I'm actually using it to clean my fingernails or carving a stick or picking flowers. (Actually if I'm carving I'll have at least two knives, one for rough work and one for fine detail.)
I'm quite self-conscious about being seen with them.1 The few minutes I spent actually trying to throw knives at the wood shed I did first thing in the morning before anybody else was awake, and when Markku came by and saw me after he went fishing, I let him have a go at it and then I went to put them away.
Perhaps it's fear that I'll one day explode and people are gonna get hurt. That's understandable. I've only really exploded in front of people twice (both at university) and fortunately I wasn't armed, so only papers were torn and tables slammed upon. Even so, I'm terrified of hurting people physically (it's why I didn't practice sparring drills when I was in martial arts, even though we had padded gloves and stuff). But hey, ever tried just keeping your nose out of my business? It's not like I put my nose into yours. It'll help.
But I really can't dismiss the feeling that my personality has a lot in common with that of Crazyfinn. Stubborn like hell; can talk obsessively about some subjects (him: booze/hunting; me: semantics/culture); collects books; can talk forever about our own photographs; likes language and math puzzles, taking things apart, and fine manual work (him: electronics; me: art). Can get upset over really small things. Doesn't always think before one speaks, and sucks a little at reading social cues. On the flip side: Tries super-hard to be, if one cannot be civilized and nice, at least helpful in some way.
People warned me to be careful around Crazyfinn. Frankly, I don't find him nearly as scary as they've tried to lead me to believe. Oh sure, sometimes I feel a need to tread carefully around him, but he has NOT crossed the line with me and in fact I think he might even be deliberately trying not to.
So if that means that he and I make the same enemies/animosities, then so be it. I don't think he'd mind at all actually having someone like-minded around.
_________
1 Freaky fact that long-time followers of this LJ may recall -- I used to carry a frickin' arsenal - to class - with me sometimes, back in freshman year. I don't anymore. It's been replaced by the sword-shaped pendant I wear on a necklace. Maybe three people knew about it: me, my then-boyfriend, and, uh, ... dang it, there's got to have been a third person. But I don't remember whom.
