Restless and tired at the same time...as usual.

[kyrasantae]

Why do I not want to sleep? Is it because I fear the future, the tomorrow, the days to come? Or is it because I have not done what I have set out to do? But weariness of mind begets weariness of body (and white hair), does it not? Still I, unmotivated -- but I have been unmotivated all year or more --, in half a dream and half a troubling reality, mutter words to myself in a nonsense language. And I do not extinguish the torch to end the day.

I have been on the piano a little more often than usual but it still brings me no joy.

For a moment I thought of defending myself. I hate to focus on the inadaquacies, but I need more sharpness.