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Dec. 30th, 2011 05:34 pmI can't tell if I'm just being superglue-clingy to the only person who is nearly always available to listen to me, or if it's more than that. He knows my conditions, but really, those are the products of thinking, and when it comes down to it, it's hard for reason to overcome the heart.
I got a few good Boxing Day/Week deals: stuff from The Body Shop, couple of pairs of jeans, gloves. I also got a Team Finland hockey jersey. It was $94 plus tax, down from $130. It's a lot of money for me, and it's only a matter of time before my dad will get on my case about spending like that on luxuries. It's a blue one though, and Real Finns™ prefer white ones (I do too; something about colour proportions I think) , but at that kind of discount, it's hard to refuse. Everyone I know with a white one got it in Finland, and I couldn't find any here. Were I to, it likely won't be at that price anyway.
I feel like I'm living life on the edge right now. It's not a crazy-high cliff or anything, not even remotely threatening to most people, but risky and a bit scary to me. Buying all these crazy things; associating with people "below"1 me, wanting them to show me new experiences; encouraging the blatant scandalousness of being friends with CFJ (now with the weird feelings too). Pushing the limits of my self-punishment and guilt complexes. But I think I need it. Maybe I really AM just fifteen again, but this time for reals.
__________
1 N.B. This is in scare quotes because it is not my epithet, but that of the middle/upper-middle-class environment I grew up in.
I got a few good Boxing Day/Week deals: stuff from The Body Shop, couple of pairs of jeans, gloves. I also got a Team Finland hockey jersey. It was $94 plus tax, down from $130. It's a lot of money for me, and it's only a matter of time before my dad will get on my case about spending like that on luxuries. It's a blue one though, and Real Finns™ prefer white ones (I do too; something about colour proportions I think) , but at that kind of discount, it's hard to refuse. Everyone I know with a white one got it in Finland, and I couldn't find any here. Were I to, it likely won't be at that price anyway.
I feel like I'm living life on the edge right now. It's not a crazy-high cliff or anything, not even remotely threatening to most people, but risky and a bit scary to me. Buying all these crazy things; associating with people "below"1 me, wanting them to show me new experiences; encouraging the blatant scandalousness of being friends with CFJ (now with the weird feelings too). Pushing the limits of my self-punishment and guilt complexes. But I think I need it. Maybe I really AM just fifteen again, but this time for reals.
__________
1 N.B. This is in scare quotes because it is not my epithet, but that of the middle/upper-middle-class environment I grew up in.
