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Teh Dra-mah: Denouement
Mar. 18th, 2006 05:22 pm
The following is Bob's email to #1 and #2 (Wednesday night):
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#2 emailed me a note (I'll keep the text of this private...er...more private) the next day explaining that the reason my singing was bothering her was because it was affecting her ability to stay at pitch.
Well, if she had explained this sooner!
As noted previously, even before talking to Bob on Wednesday I moved a couple of rows back that night to get out of their way. I did that again today (after having read #2's email), and I managed to snag a chance to talk to #2, to let her know that out of consideration for her needs, that I'll continue to sit in the back for these last few rehearsals. She apparently emailed Bob after Wednesday to let him know that things were much better since I moved back.
I told her that the whole situation was just a misunderstanding and that once I learned the reason why she was asking me to stop it, it was totally understandable and I could do something about it (i.e. sit farther back in the room).
What Bob said about singing being a personal thing is completely true; #2 was clearly getting very frustrated with what I was doing, and that was reflected in the tone of voice she was using. (It just wasn't realistic to think that she would be just trying to bully me around by using that kind of voice.) And of course, in return, I got defensive about it. It's that personal. And it has nothing to do with either of us trying to claim supremacy or the flag of being "right," we're both on equal ground: we're both engineers (I think) and we're both not trained singers. She just happens to be a bit older (not by much, maybe a couple of years?) and has more experience in this choir.
Oh well, at least that's dealt with.
It still doesn't explain why #1 made the comment during that particular song last Saturday, because #2 is page-turning during that song and shouldn't be close enough to hear me when she's doing that. It was about the same distance from me to where she was at the piano last week as it is with the two rows of seats between us in the rehearsal room. Unless #1 has the same pitch issue, but she hasn't said anything to me about it.
Other installments:
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Hi [#1 and #2]
I just had a tear-filled conversation with [kyrasantae] that I thought I should share with you. I know that both of you mean only well and just want our performances to be good but you need to know that [kyrasantae] has been deeply hurt by your comments to her regarding her singing. Please also know that she didn't want to tell me who had made the comments but I insisted that she do so.
First, let me assure you that if anyone's voice were sticking out, I would be taking steps to remedy that. I realize that when you're in close quarters in a choir, things can tend to be more noticeable.
I know that you didn't mean to be hurtful but I just wanted you to know that (a) I don't hear [kyrasantae]'s voice sticking out in the Alto section and (b) while you have only the good of the choir at heart, you have to remember that singing is a very personal thing and [kyrasantae] was really crushed by your comments.
I'm not sending this to scold you; I know that your intentions were noble. But even noble motives can result in hurt and that's why I'm sending this. What makes UAMC a great organization is that we care for one another and show that we do. (A quote from "A Safe Place to Sing" at the front of the music binder).
Thanks for all you do.
Bob
=====
#2 emailed me a note (I'll keep the text of this private...er...more private) the next day explaining that the reason my singing was bothering her was because it was affecting her ability to stay at pitch.
Well, if she had explained this sooner!
As noted previously, even before talking to Bob on Wednesday I moved a couple of rows back that night to get out of their way. I did that again today (after having read #2's email), and I managed to snag a chance to talk to #2, to let her know that out of consideration for her needs, that I'll continue to sit in the back for these last few rehearsals. She apparently emailed Bob after Wednesday to let him know that things were much better since I moved back.
I told her that the whole situation was just a misunderstanding and that once I learned the reason why she was asking me to stop it, it was totally understandable and I could do something about it (i.e. sit farther back in the room).
What Bob said about singing being a personal thing is completely true; #2 was clearly getting very frustrated with what I was doing, and that was reflected in the tone of voice she was using. (It just wasn't realistic to think that she would be just trying to bully me around by using that kind of voice.) And of course, in return, I got defensive about it. It's that personal. And it has nothing to do with either of us trying to claim supremacy or the flag of being "right," we're both on equal ground: we're both engineers (I think) and we're both not trained singers. She just happens to be a bit older (not by much, maybe a couple of years?) and has more experience in this choir.
Oh well, at least that's dealt with.
It still doesn't explain why #1 made the comment during that particular song last Saturday, because #2 is page-turning during that song and shouldn't be close enough to hear me when she's doing that. It was about the same distance from me to where she was at the piano last week as it is with the two rows of seats between us in the rehearsal room. Unless #1 has the same pitch issue, but she hasn't said anything to me about it.
Other installments:
