Teh Dra-mah: Denouement
Mar. 18th, 2006 05:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantae
The following is Bob's email to #1 and #2 (Wednesday night):
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#2 emailed me a note (I'll keep the text of this private...er...more private) the next day explaining that the reason my singing was bothering her was because it was affecting her ability to stay at pitch.
Well, if she had explained this sooner!
As noted previously, even before talking to Bob on Wednesday I moved a couple of rows back that night to get out of their way. I did that again today (after having read #2's email), and I managed to snag a chance to talk to #2, to let her know that out of consideration for her needs, that I'll continue to sit in the back for these last few rehearsals. She apparently emailed Bob after Wednesday to let him know that things were much better since I moved back.
I told her that the whole situation was just a misunderstanding and that once I learned the reason why she was asking me to stop it, it was totally understandable and I could do something about it (i.e. sit farther back in the room).
What Bob said about singing being a personal thing is completely true; #2 was clearly getting very frustrated with what I was doing, and that was reflected in the tone of voice she was using. (It just wasn't realistic to think that she would be just trying to bully me around by using that kind of voice.) And of course, in return, I got defensive about it. It's that personal. And it has nothing to do with either of us trying to claim supremacy or the flag of being "right," we're both on equal ground: we're both engineers (I think) and we're both not trained singers. She just happens to be a bit older (not by much, maybe a couple of years?) and has more experience in this choir.
Oh well, at least that's dealt with.
It still doesn't explain why #1 made the comment during that particular song last Saturday, because #2 is page-turning during that song and shouldn't be close enough to hear me when she's doing that. It was about the same distance from me to where she was at the piano last week as it is with the two rows of seats between us in the rehearsal room. Unless #1 has the same pitch issue, but she hasn't said anything to me about it.
Other installments:
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Hi [#1 and #2]
I just had a tear-filled conversation with [kyrasantae] that I thought I should share with you. I know that both of you mean only well and just want our performances to be good but you need to know that [kyrasantae] has been deeply hurt by your comments to her regarding her singing. Please also know that she didn't want to tell me who had made the comments but I insisted that she do so.
First, let me assure you that if anyone's voice were sticking out, I would be taking steps to remedy that. I realize that when you're in close quarters in a choir, things can tend to be more noticeable.
I know that you didn't mean to be hurtful but I just wanted you to know that (a) I don't hear [kyrasantae]'s voice sticking out in the Alto section and (b) while you have only the good of the choir at heart, you have to remember that singing is a very personal thing and [kyrasantae] was really crushed by your comments.
I'm not sending this to scold you; I know that your intentions were noble. But even noble motives can result in hurt and that's why I'm sending this. What makes UAMC a great organization is that we care for one another and show that we do. (A quote from "A Safe Place to Sing" at the front of the music binder).
Thanks for all you do.
Bob
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#2 emailed me a note (I'll keep the text of this private...er...more private) the next day explaining that the reason my singing was bothering her was because it was affecting her ability to stay at pitch.
Well, if she had explained this sooner!
As noted previously, even before talking to Bob on Wednesday I moved a couple of rows back that night to get out of their way. I did that again today (after having read #2's email), and I managed to snag a chance to talk to #2, to let her know that out of consideration for her needs, that I'll continue to sit in the back for these last few rehearsals. She apparently emailed Bob after Wednesday to let him know that things were much better since I moved back.
I told her that the whole situation was just a misunderstanding and that once I learned the reason why she was asking me to stop it, it was totally understandable and I could do something about it (i.e. sit farther back in the room).
What Bob said about singing being a personal thing is completely true; #2 was clearly getting very frustrated with what I was doing, and that was reflected in the tone of voice she was using. (It just wasn't realistic to think that she would be just trying to bully me around by using that kind of voice.) And of course, in return, I got defensive about it. It's that personal. And it has nothing to do with either of us trying to claim supremacy or the flag of being "right," we're both on equal ground: we're both engineers (I think) and we're both not trained singers. She just happens to be a bit older (not by much, maybe a couple of years?) and has more experience in this choir.
Oh well, at least that's dealt with.
It still doesn't explain why #1 made the comment during that particular song last Saturday, because #2 is page-turning during that song and shouldn't be close enough to hear me when she's doing that. It was about the same distance from me to where she was at the piano last week as it is with the two rows of seats between us in the rehearsal room. Unless #1 has the same pitch issue, but she hasn't said anything to me about it.
Other installments:
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Er...
Date: 2006-03-18 08:39 pm (UTC)From what I've read, #1 & #2 are correctly named after excretory functions. IMO, the "explanation" is a transparent attempt to save face now that she's been exposed to the boss as a bitch.
Continue to keep your distance whenever possible, but keep your guard up and try thickening your skin as much as possible. They may give up, or they may give in to resentment that they got caught being immature, thus leading to more nastiness later on (the most obvious type being spiteful rumors).
Naturally, it is to be hoped that they will stop being nasty and start being decent people. It is not that common in situations like these, but it does happen. Good luck!
Re: Er...
Date: 2006-03-18 08:48 pm (UTC)Until there is evidence that proves otherwise, I have to buy her excuse. I know other choristers who are similarly pitch-impaired and actually sing by ear because they can't read music. There's people of all sorts of abilities here, and there's no reason to judge anybody simply by their attitude.
Not that it matters anyway. There's only one rehearsal left and then our last concert for the season. Things will be forgotten between now and next September (heck, I'm actually taking a year off chorus because of some conflicts with school stuff).
I know you didn't choose those names for that purpose.
Date: 2006-03-18 09:55 pm (UTC)There is a huge difference between "no reason" and "no proof", but whatever works for you is best here.
Hope for the best, plan for the worst, and enjoy what comes as much as possible.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-20 05:28 am (UTC)As one with a bit of cynicism for other people, I'm inclined to agree with Naruki. Don't lower you guard too much. People are amazingly selfish.
no subject
Date: 2006-03-20 09:50 pm (UTC)(Fortunately the only time I've been annoyed at someone singing next to me was at the recording session in high school; the girl next to me could not sing at pitch *at all*. She was always a semitone flat, and it was really difficult to concentrate on the correct notes when that happens.)