![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Just came back from a performance outside of town...and this happened again. :(
I expected it too. Before the performance, we were rehearsing the dramatic song¤ mentioned in that linkied post (it's a song where altos carry the melody through the entire song accompanied by 'ooooh's in the other parts), and a couple of measures in, realized that one of the critical girls was standing in front of me. I just knew she was going to mention it as soon as we stopped or the song was over, whichever came first. And it did happen.
(Actually, the week after that post I was even reluctant to go to rehearsal, because I was afraid of them.)
They keep telling me, "TRY! Just TRY [to not do so much]!" and I tell them it's a technique I'm proud of being able to do (for an untrained voice) [Many untrained people can only sing pop style...that's one of the things I cannot do. The pseudo-classical style comes naturally to me. ]...that I cannot tell myself not to do it, especially in a song like this with solo-like qualities + drama...I tell them that it makes me upset (and I definitely was so upset I had to step out of the room for a few moments) to be told that something I'm proud of is unwanted.* Without reason. They have never actually specifically told me why they want me to cut it back. I think they're thinking of blending issues.
They like to tell me that "[I] had more control of [my] voice earlier in the term," but it was actually earlier in the term when they first criticized me for it.
And if anything, I've become more aware of my voice the last couple of months and have put more conscious thought into exercising control over my voice, not the opposite...due to my dream.
But here's the clincher: if I wasn't blending in with the rest of the chorus, my director would have pointed it out; there was a time earlier on in the year when he had to go through all of the sopranos one by one so he could identify, in front of everybody at rehearsal, the one voice that was sticking out like a sore thumb. So I know he'd pick on it if it was an issue. That's what he's paid for.
Not only that, I heard other altos around me doing similar vibrato in the song. Sure, they may have been trained voices, but in the end, what's the difference? Why me? Why not any of those other singers?
I mean, if I'm singing a wrong note or doing something else drastically wrong, BY ALL MEANS tell me about it, so I can fix it. But this is a stylistic issue that Bob (my director) obviously isn't having a problem with, so you need to mind your own business!
Seriously, if it's bothering you so much, THEN DON'T STAND IN FRONT OF ME!
I think I'm going to be talking to Bob about this next rehearsal (Wednesday). I casually threw at him today the question of whether my voice was sticking out, and he said there was no such thing of the sort on my part. I know there's only three rehearsals and a performance left in this season, but it's important to me.
¤ Minor clarification: There's actually two songs suggested in the post linked there; there's... the 'dramatic song', and the 'Broadway' comment refers to something else (Les Mis). But I'm clearly talking about the 'dramatic song' here.
* Speaking of unwanted, I've been helping out a bit with the painting of my engineering department logo on the wall of our department student club office. I helped with tracing the outline onto the wall, and painting some of the detail and lettering. Other people finished up painting the outline, but it looked really sloppy in some places, so I offered to clean up the outline with white paint. I'm standing there putting tape up and this girl walks in and says "Oh, [kyra], you don't need to do that, it already looks GREAT! I mean, it's not supposed to be perfect, it's student work, and besides, I tried and the white doesn't cover the blue [the outline is blue] very well."
So I thought, "gee, I guess you don't see it that way, but some of the bumps and smears are really eyesores to me, and I'm volunteering my time and skills to do it, and you give me no respect?! Besides, you're not a second-year student, you'll be graduating in a year or so, and I'm still going to be here for three, and I'm going to be *using* this office, which means I'm going to be looking at those eyesores for three more years."
Hmmm.
Additional:
And the best part is this: During the actual performance, critical girl #2 (who's normally the page-turner for the accompanist), joined us for the singing of Haec Dies, because it's a capella. She came up to stand next to me and whispered, 'sorry,' though she didn't bump into me. I don't know if that had anything to do with the earlier incident, since that was between critical girl #1 and I, but I sang Haec Dies (this is Renaissance style) with full vibrato whenever it was possible (it's kinda difficult to in the song), just to get back at her for everything the two of them have done to me.
I can be mean. You just have to get on my bad side. Consistently.
Additional 2:
Singing in a choir is about the group, not each individual voice inside the group. If, from Bob's location, what I'm doing is not a problem (i.e. I'm blending with the group), then it should not be a problem for anyone else, since the audience won't hear it. Another thing: if it's not okay for me to be singing vibrato, what makes it okay for many of the sopranos to be doing it? Because they have the melody (but in this case it's altos with the melody)? Because they're the stereotype of what singers do (sing really high notes and do vibrato)? Does Bob call on them (no)?
*sigh*
Other installments:
