Crappiness.

On second thought, maybe Apulanta is better for making those neighbours quiet down.

Yesterday I finally coughed up the bucks to buy myself a splint for my wrist. It's not the most comfortable thing on earth, but it helps me not to worry about bending my wrist too far and making it hurt or making it worse. But the bad news is that my finger still hurts sometimes, so I have a 99.9% confidence that my finger injury is independent of my CTS.

Also yesterday I went to a friend's church fellowship BBQ, and what I found a little bit weird was that while they were all singing their songs I kind of got a little bit emotional. It might have been the music - the tone of the melodies is very much the stuff I like - but that I got that way may just be something to do with that huge overwhelming sense of community that groups like that have.

I wasted all afternoon trying to eat a lunch I didn't feel like eating. Then I talked about nothing with DK#1 on the phone for an hour. Then I went to the library and tried to finish far more pages of homework than I could possibly have time for, since it took me almost an hour to do 3 math problems and another hour to copy 4 pages of chem notes into my notebook. I gave up after that. At least it's not stuff that's due tomorrow.

Somehow I think that this cruddy feeling is a disguised form of homesickness - that I miss being close by to my friends, able to communicate with them at the touch of a few buttons whenever I need to talk to them without worrying about whether I'll waste the money on my phone card or whether my roommate will let me use her phone. Here I find myself trying wildly to get onto the somewhat unstable wireless internet connection just so I can talk to people I know, and it's frustrating when I'm in the middle of a conversation and the connection craps out on me. And it's usually the days when I need to talk most when it's difficult to get online.

It's so hard to find people to talk to here because there are often 250+ people in a class, which means that you'll never get to know anyone particularly well. And I can't really do the good ol' 'get to know your teacher' trick when the profs have really busy schedules themselves. Then those people you do get to know a bit better often can't afford to spend the time talking to you because they want to get their homework done.

Rephrasal of sociological hypothesis: Non-smokers who have attended post-secondary school are more likely to have cancer than those who did not.

I told DK#1 that I was pondering some thoughts regarding suicide...not about wanting to do it but about what it is...sort of. I mean, some of the reasons why I won't are because it's just so ignoble...and to deliberately take a single motion that would end your my life forever with no chance to turn back...It's pretty chilly in the room right now (and in most places on campus, as I've discovered) and I think that maybe I wouldn't mind so much freezing to death. Or starving to death, since I'm already eating so little lately. Or dying from fatigue, since I've been sleeping very little as well.

Now seeing as both lack of appetite and insomnia are classic symptoms of depression that I hadn't shown until now, clearly it's getting worse.

Either way, life is sad right now. Maybe I don't necessarily want to go home, but I sure want my telecommunications to be running so I don't have to be quite so disconnected from the people I know.

This is the playlist for the special CD of mood-evoking music that I made especially for tonight.

1. Apocalyptica - Faraway
   
2. Viikate - Kivi itkee vihreää
   
3. Viikate - Kaajärven rannat
   
4. Russ Landau - Survivor VIII - A Celtic Heart
   
5. Russ Landau - Survivor II - Torches of the Fallen
   
6. Russ Landau - Survivor V - Memory of the Fallen
   
7. Howard Shore - LotR: The Fellowship of the Ring - The Breaking of the Fellowship/"May it Be" (Enya)
   
8. Hans Zimmer - Black Hawk Down - Leave No Man Behind
   
9. Philip Glass - Naqoyqatsi - Media Weather
   
10. Denez Prigent/Lisa Gerrard - Black Hawk Down - Gortoz a ran - J'attends

Shameless rip-off.

This is my completely irreverant typed-out copy of our school song. It's irreverent because the choir makes a point of using photocopies of the original manuscript by the composer (1947 or something?) in our music folders. That is, it's not allowed by tradition to type it up, despite the fact that the score is a little bit difficult to read.

Therefore, so as to not get in trouble with any of the veteran choristers, this copy is strictly for my use only. :)