-ness [journal]

It's so hot in Kobe (神戸) that I think I'm dying. There may be air conditioning in the bus, but the instant I sit down on here my eyes close and want to sleep, but then I don't want to wake up. That's an awfully cruddy way to die. I'd rather commit hara-kiri or seppuku or whatever it's called.

We visited a sake museum but our tour guide didn't tell us that the drinking age is 18 until after we left and she was making fun of one of the 10-year olds. I always assume it's 21 just to be safe. So I didn't get to try any. Which made me sad, because I really wanted to. But that's fine.

I am sleepless, restless, pointless, meaningless, weaponless, and (mostly) useless [and harmless, unfortunately]. Useless because I know that the life that I live in my head is absolutely useless in the real life outside my head. It is a life that I hardly bear the capabilitt for and even so, would never have its place in the world. I could pretend and pile up stuff I'd need (somehow), but I could never use it. And why should I have to keep on pretending? Because I will not sacrifice the freedom of my body to free my mind -- and for only a moment.