Denial? [journal]

Greek wine never smelled so good. Especially when one is among youngsters and doesn't have money to try it.

To all things there must be a reason -- if there is no sensible reason, then don't do it. I have no reason to ignore my palatial warnings against overconsumption, so I shall not. "Because other people do it" or anything pertaining to avoiding being perceived as cowardly is not sensible enough for me.

We all are cowards in our own ways. We all have things we are afraid to do, but we all also have risks [that] we are willing to take. I have already destroyed and rebuilt myself many times; I'm not going to do it again with an even worse addiction. But I'll do anything to make myself feel safe and regain confidence that I alone am the master of my own destiny and that no one has the power to take away my identity.

If it calms my fears without causing recklessness, I shall do it.
If it relaxes me without causing a loss of [perceptiveness], I shall do it.
If it gives me a sense of purpose without hurting myself or my friends, I shall do it.

Sometimes I think that it's already too late for denial.

Crazy obsessive film observations

(archived from filmfolk)

I've watched three of Aki Kaurismäki's films ('Varjoja paratiisissa (Shadows in Paradise),' its sequel 'Kauas pilvet karkaavat (Drifting Clouds),' and 'Mies vailla menneisyyttä (The Man Without a Past),' and I've noticed some musical connections between them:

• In 'Drifting Clouds' (I'll keep to the English titles from now on) the song that plays in the background while Ilona is playing both the waiter and the cook at the nameless restaurant (if I remember correctly) is "Myrskyn keskellä" by Marko Haavisto & Poutahaukat, which I think sort of explains why the English version of that song ("Thunder and Lightning") is included on the soundtrack for 'The Man Without a Past' but not in that film.


• One song in 'Shadows in Paradise' (it's played during one of the car rides) is a Finnish version of the song "My Heart Must Do the Crying" by The Renegades, which appears also on the 'Man Without a Past' soundtrack. Does anyone know the useless piece of film trivia that would tell me the title and artist of this Finnish version?
  

That is all for now, thanks!

Argh

My Web1000 webspace is down again :(

Something of a less than (should be) normal length [journal]

I broke my sleeping-in record by sleeping until 1[pm]!

My index finger is going numb again. Bound tonight.

My sister practically fell asleep yesterday at drivers' ed. She says it had something to do with the Chinese instructor teaching in bad English. She ended up taking power naps during all of the breaks. When I did it two years ago I didn't fall asleep but I do remember it being very sweltering hot and boring.

Why is my pen leaking?

I still cannot fathom leaving so much behind. And of course not being able to take with me as many things as I wish I could. Because it's not just my possssions, it's also furniture and pots and pans and dishes and other kitchenware, it's toiletries, maybe some sheet music, and all the memories. I can't take all of my clothes or all of my cds (I'm probably leaving mostly the soundtracks behind, and the tv shows), or all of my artwork on my walls. And most of all I can't take my friends with me. I can't help it. I'm going to be so lonely.