(no subject)

Bad memories are taking too long to pass. In the past it took a year to get over something. At least that memory wasn't so constantly in my face, only people sometimes talking about or referring to it. This faces me everyday, every time I know my friends are going to class, and I'm not a part of it anymore. I see them in the hallways going down to the class, and I want to wish them luck even though it sounds so bizarre. If I see one of them holding in their hands some handouts from there I see them for what they are and feel a sudden pang of sadness. If she drops them, then, or leaves them behind, I hesitate before I can pick them up for her, as if they were cursed. When my friends complain about their homework there I am reminded of sleepless nights and stabs to the chest. It is like an endless nightmare...how does it go...ei haihdu tuska milloinkaan!