Reservation.

[kyrasantae]

"Take heart, for you have a plan."

And though that plan is the truest cause for optimism I have ever had, I can only bear a reserved optimism.

Fear only begets fear. But while fear spurns some into action, it paralyzes some into inaction. Analysis is inaction.

The plan can succeed, but I am doing now what I have not done before, and with no past experience to base a hypothesis on, the measure of uncertainty is great - but the margin for error is small. I will always have hope, but hope itself is not enough when the world as I know it is at stake.

Yet this plan offers no solution to the love I have sought through the ages, and that bothers me: though this plan will resolve one thing, it leaves a much longer-standing issue - an issue itself the cause of the necessity of this plan in the first place - completely untouched.

Ultimately it must be addressed... or there will never be an end to fear. And because I am hardly moved by threats - to act out of fear - fear must end. And I do not know if that quality is worth anything.

Comments

[nt-confidential.livejournal.com]

Speaking purely as somebody who jumped ship from Engineering, hitched a ride with Science, arrived at the projected Convocation on time, went back for another degree and spent the majority of reading week hogging his parents' Yamaha:

1) It's everything you want it to be, if you're willing to take the initiative to make it that way.

2) If you're going to write in impressionistic strokes of figurative language and ontological universals, select better metaphors.

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

Nah, I wasn't trying to go all figurative or anything - it's an annoying florid style that I typically reserve for my private writing (which this was).

As for the rest... to the two or three people who know me well, it is very clear what I'm specifically referring to... and for everyone else it's meant to remain vague.