Death and Renewal
Apr. 22nd, 2006 09:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantae
After tossing my exam this morning and ticking off my neighbour with my singing, I was completely broken. You may have noticed the ending of the piece written during my exam; take it as literally as you can, noting the significance of my "true love."
I lay in bed for hours, sleeping, not wanting to wake.
"Had I never known, all this would never have happened.
"Even so, had I written it off as something silly that I'd never do, all this would not have happened.
"Who could have guessed that something that so many people would find fairly trivial and easy to set aside would destroy me so utterly?
"There is no essay to write [for English], there is no studying, there are no exams. My love has consumed my reality.
"This is what the ultimate sacrifice feels like. I have given my true love. All I have left to give is my life, and I don't want to give that away.
"(Theiyonus, I absolve thee of all blame. The true blame is on myself alone.)
"I wish I could close my eyes one last time... then I'll never have to think again."
Amidst the tears, I said to my bf:
"You know what, I'm going to end this misery right now. If you think I should not, then stop me. This is the only way."
Then I returned to the beginning. And I danced once more, with tears of joy.
I lay in bed for hours, sleeping, not wanting to wake.
"Had I never known, all this would never have happened.
"Even so, had I written it off as something silly that I'd never do, all this would not have happened.
"Who could have guessed that something that so many people would find fairly trivial and easy to set aside would destroy me so utterly?
"There is no essay to write [for English], there is no studying, there are no exams. My love has consumed my reality.
"This is what the ultimate sacrifice feels like. I have given my true love. All I have left to give is my life, and I don't want to give that away.
"(Theiyonus, I absolve thee of all blame. The true blame is on myself alone.)
"I wish I could close my eyes one last time... then I'll never have to think again."
Amidst the tears, I said to my bf:
"You know what, I'm going to end this misery right now. If you think I should not, then stop me. This is the only way."
Then I returned to the beginning. And I danced once more, with tears of joy.
