kyrasantae | River of Rambling II [journal]

Partly because I'm lazy and it's already late and partly because there's a picture in this week's edition, I made the entire edition in pictures. So you can also see my messy handwriting! Unfortunately my scans are a bit fuzzy, so I have to type it out anyway.

It's back - heart thumping, dizzy feeling - you know what that means (two drinks, or one really really fast. In this case, the former). And no water to rinse with!

Given an otherwise unimaginable feeling of dread, what would you do?

I know that the coming storm will be fearsome. Will you stay and fight it with me, even though we are more likely to be washed away than not?

Now or later it makes no difference. In the end it's all the same. It's not my body that cries for slumber, it is my mind, a mind that just wants a chance to rest and be carefree, a mind that need not be afraid of accusation each and every awakening, a mind that wants to be able to stand still when it awakens, without being pushed into aggravation.

I would much prefer my first thoughts in the morning to be, at least, my to do list over "what time is it?" and "am I going to get yelled at right now?" That much should be obvious, but right now I have very little power over the line between sleeping and waking up.

Something a bit pictorial:

<- ? <- Lister <- The job dilemma <- secrets <- Home away from home <- Drinking (still A.N.N.'s fault) -> including Engg week <- The Antonuk thingy <- Music teachers <- The Cataclysm	It builds upwards, but for every step up, it really means a slow sinking downwards.

I don't think I can ever begin to list all of the things about me that I don't tell certain people. That I cannot put some of them into words doesn't make the task any easier.

It's sort of like I feel somehow disappointed at myself for being a failure but at the same time knowing that that failure gave me parts of me that I like about myself.