...moving out blues/frustration
Aug. 30th, 2004 02:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantae
I was just moving my boxes of stuff downstairs to the garage to load up into the car, and as I was passing a particularly heavy box of notebooks, stationary, and CDs to my dad I gave him a little warning that it was a particularly heavy box. When I turned around to go upstairs to get the next box, I heard him say under his breath (and he seems to like to do this to make negative comments about me), and it's kinda hard to translate, but it was basically "It's like she doesn't want to come home."
I don't know what to say to that, because it's partly true. I wanted to go away for university because I wanted to be away from my parents and their rules and expectations and learn to be truly on my own. And part of why I bring so much stuff with me is because I don't want to not have that stuff with me when I suddenly need it. A large part of my personal belongings are my CDs and art supplies, which, not because I need them right away, I'm bringing because I have to have music for every emotion that may come to mind, and because creative inspiration doesn't strike often, I have to be prepared to act on it when it does, instead of dallying and waiting until the next time I come home to bring it back with me. By then it's usually too late.
I really don't want to come home often at all. Maybe Christmas and Easter, perhaps also Remembrance Day long weekend, then for summer. But that's about it. I don't see why I should treat university as a series of short vacations when it really should be like one long vacation. I'm so tired of being told I'm not ready to live on my own when I have this real-life opportunity to actually *do* it, and I don't want to spoil that opportunity by having to come home to parental expectations and stuff like that every few weeks.
I also want to go out into the world with my unique worldview and way of life and see what I can do with it, without having my parents berating me everytime I do something that they consider "socially unacceptable" like when I cry in public (and I, admittedly, do that quite a lot). And I want to try new things that my parents will never let me do, like going drinking with friends, or things that I've done before but I've had to hide from them, and will still have to hide, but to a lesser degree - like sharp pointy objects.
I don't know what to say to that, because it's partly true. I wanted to go away for university because I wanted to be away from my parents and their rules and expectations and learn to be truly on my own. And part of why I bring so much stuff with me is because I don't want to not have that stuff with me when I suddenly need it. A large part of my personal belongings are my CDs and art supplies, which, not because I need them right away, I'm bringing because I have to have music for every emotion that may come to mind, and because creative inspiration doesn't strike often, I have to be prepared to act on it when it does, instead of dallying and waiting until the next time I come home to bring it back with me. By then it's usually too late.
I really don't want to come home often at all. Maybe Christmas and Easter, perhaps also Remembrance Day long weekend, then for summer. But that's about it. I don't see why I should treat university as a series of short vacations when it really should be like one long vacation. I'm so tired of being told I'm not ready to live on my own when I have this real-life opportunity to actually *do* it, and I don't want to spoil that opportunity by having to come home to parental expectations and stuff like that every few weeks.
I also want to go out into the world with my unique worldview and way of life and see what I can do with it, without having my parents berating me everytime I do something that they consider "socially unacceptable" like when I cry in public (and I, admittedly, do that quite a lot). And I want to try new things that my parents will never let me do, like going drinking with friends, or things that I've done before but I've had to hide from them, and will still have to hide, but to a lesser degree - like sharp pointy objects.
