Wishes not of the normal sort [journal]

[kyrasantae]

If I still believed in a Higher Power with a name then I would have asked him for help a long time ago. I would ask him why I can't break free from this circle of misery. I would ask him what I must do to not be afraid of being abandoned yet enslaved. I would ask him where my real home is. I would ask him when I will meet my destiny -- and whether good or evil will win. I would ask him who, in my lifetime, will want to be with me because he sees order in the chaos inside my head.

But all I want right now is for something to relieve the fears -- the fear that something will go terribly wrong and this space as I know it will never be seen again; the fear that I will be driven to further madness; the fear that all good things will one day simply vanish and I, left without a choice, will be thrown down the path of the dark. I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle it and someone is going to get hurt (me or something else), or that htere will be great enemies after me. (The above sentence may be interpreted in at least three ways.)

Someone (or something) please answer me!!

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Kuin nahkavöihin uudet reiät
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