Life-signs [excerpt]
Oct. 29th, 2008 03:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantaeNaturally, F-energy is more potent from living sources than non-living, and even that of the living is diluted by distance. How one acquires the ability to "emit" and therefore supply oneself, thus far, I do not know.
I don't know how to describe how I feel. Confusion, anxiety, grief, longing, hunger, fear.
Confusion from the swirl of motion and tasks around me.
Anxiety from not knowing how I can accomplish those to my satisfaction.
Grief from the certainty that I am no longer there; that nothing can bring it back to me now. It's gone, and it'll be gone for a long time.
Longing to be there again, for all the sense that that world makes to me, away from all this stark ambition and pressure.
Hunger for contact. To touch and to care. To see and to understand. Eventually, my little collections will be no substitute. Food can't feed this, as much as I want it to.
Fear. Well, I've written far too much about this one in its various guises already.
I don't know how to describe how I feel. Confusion, anxiety, grief, longing, hunger, fear.
Confusion from the swirl of motion and tasks around me.
Anxiety from not knowing how I can accomplish those to my satisfaction.
Grief from the certainty that I am no longer there; that nothing can bring it back to me now. It's gone, and it'll be gone for a long time.
Longing to be there again, for all the sense that that world makes to me, away from all this stark ambition and pressure.
Hunger for contact. To touch and to care. To see and to understand. Eventually, my little collections will be no substitute. Food can't feed this, as much as I want it to.
Fear. Well, I've written far too much about this one in its various guises already.
