F--- the Animals

[kyrasantae]

I should not have asked.
I should have known that it was for that reason.

And I am so tired of the Finns drinking, I'm tired of the Americans drinking, I'm tired of everyone but me drinking because no one but me has any sense of self-control.
And I wish you would just respect me with your silence just as I bite my lip to give you silence.

It is now that I know that the act I can bite my lip against, though I will still not concede to accept any responsibility for you, but it is your talk of it, your thirst for it, that is insufferable.

I do not, will not, and cannot judge you, for my love for you is unconditional.
It does not mean that I like or dislike anything; it means that I cannot judge anything.

But you don't care.

You don't care that I'm not here to be with the international students; that I want to be with you.
You don't care that I'm not here for the trees and the teachers and the places; that I want to be with you.
You don't care that I'm definitely not here for freedom and indulgence; that I want to be with you.

You do not care that this was once my life or death.
You do not care that this is my home.
You do not care that I'm trying to find my family.
All you care is that I am from a place called Canada.

I want to know you, and if the first Finn I met here is a teetotaller, I believe that you have the ability to do it too. You are just too afraid to choose it. Face yourselves, and maybe you will know.

Antti: en tiedä, kuinka teet sen!

I am home but I am lonely because no one cares. I am completely invisible. Even if I cannot belong at least I can be noticed?

Ketkään eivät usko minua.
Ketkään eivät halua minua.

Mitkään eivät auta minua.

God help me.
Theiyonus help me.
...if you care.