Answers to unknown questions [journal]

What I do know is that there is no quick and easy solution to this despair. If the answer was as simple as anger management then I would have applied it a long time ago. I know it isn't. I gathered this from experience: pacifism as self-preservation from dark side naturally has its effect to negate desire to act upon dark side -- beating the crap out of a punching bag is not an affair of release, and I will do no harm to others, even in image -- If the dark side is a residual effect from depression which is dragging me back to it, then pacifism traps me between not acting and remaining in this state, and acting and only potentially lifting me out of this state, but also carrying a life sentence. Unless another possibility can be generated, let me stay here, for if, if chance allows, I do explode in anger, it may not be fleeting, it may not even be the solution, but it most definitely won't be harmless. That is why I will not allow that outcome to occur. People would most definitely die if I let it happen, for hurt by words always ends up hurting myself in return. And that is great pain, for words strike down my heart faster and deeper than anything else.