(no subject)

[kyrasantae]

...for this is a world in which I do not belong, in which I do not have faith, in which I was not meant to live.

Every life I have lived I have never fulfilled, because the final link was not there: the hearts of those who do not know what walks before them.

I was once Somebody. Somebody who was meant to live on in the legends of time. I was seen to become one with greatness in time; but I was robbed of it.

It is in this anachronism that I lay suspended, powerless, alone; all and true form invisible to those who seek to unbind me.

Comments

[nightwind292.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

you are still soembody, to those who know how to see properly

Some probably stupid questions I have ...

[the-math-priest.livejournal.com]

... but still I have to ask:

What do you mean with "the hearts of those who do not know what walks before them"? Do you mean a void like the absence of any perspective? Or what else?

And, stupid as this may sound: How do you figure that you've been robbed of greatness? I am having a certain vision of what you mean, and I also have the very strong feeling, that your dilemma is not very far away from what I myself have experienced, but - I'd like to hear it in your own words.

Please, don't get me wrong there! I do not doubt that there are unfortunately real foundations for your feelings - foundations, that are undeniable facts.

As I said, I have the very strong feeling, that I know rather well, what you are going through right now - and if I am right, I can also assure you, that it is something, that will become better. Not tomorrow, at least not 100%, but over the years - yes, it will.

Why am I writing this? Because I think that you sound desperate, and I would like to do something about that, because I feel like I should *and* could.

So, please, I would really like to know why you feel robbed of your greatness, and more: What do you mean by "all and true form invisible to those who seek to unbind me"?

Do you really think that you are all that - suspended, powerless and alone?

I am sorry, if am too obtrusive, but I simply think that the foundations for your feelings have shifted pretty much from real to imaginary. I know how bold this sounds, but I am quite sure, that I am not too far from being right, to put it rather mildly. ;-) Last but not least, all of my thoughts are based on my very own experiences.

Re: Some probably stupid questions I have ...

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

This post was a reference to the pretentious art/music students who tell me that it's enough to make a difference to the people around you. My aspiration is to make a difference to the world, to share my feelings and my talent through my art. As well, the post is somewhat obliquely addressed to those people who try to tell me what's best for me (e.g. go to music school).

I do not have faith that my current critics will ever dare to acknowledge that I am more than what they think I am.

"Seen to become one with greatness in time" refers to how, when I was 13, I *had* the talent, the training, and the dedication to have got into music school and go on to be a professional concert pianist (which was what I wanted to do). Between myself and two other peers, we were probably the best pianists in the city for our age. We competed head-to-head all of the time at music festivals (along with other musicians). My ensemble coach

At that age I was also attending, on a part-time basis, the type of music performance classes that college music students take: classes such as masterclasses and workshops with notable musicians (I was at one point offered an opportunity to travel to another town for a private lesson from one distinguished pianist), ensemble work, recitals, and end-of-term juries. In fact, I was the youngest musician ever to enter (by audition) the program to take these classes.

Sure, it's not full-time, and we were young, but our performances were under just as much scrutiny at these classes as they are in the same type of class in a college setting.

The other two quotes you call into question refer to this background, and to how those people who seek to dissuade me from my plans are unaware of it; they are unaware of the potential I once had and that I still have and seek to once again reveal.

The anachronism is that all this glory is in the past. Is it truly possible to bring back those glory days, to make up for lost time, to be where I was once meant to be?

This is the form invisible.




Darn, now I feel like I've given everything away, like so often students remember Shakespeare's "Hamlet" only as a study of the themes of loyalty, resolution, and revenge, and not as a work of art.

Re: Some probably stupid questions I have ...

[kyrasantae.livejournal.com]

Oops never finished a thought there -

My ensemble coach actually thought me good enough to assign me one of the most, if not THE most difficult piano parts ever written for chamber music. Sure, my group may have won first place in the city and then at provincials the year before, but it's a rather ambitious piece for a 13-year old...

Needless to say that was at the same time as the beginning of my decline, and I never quite learned the part.