And here my troubles began...(part 1)
Oct. 1st, 2003 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantae
It wasn't because she said no. Well, maybe it was.
We got our IA proposal sheets back yesterday and mine had a big fat "no" on it as if it were a big fat "0" on a math test. A lot of people did. But I did. She started delivering a long spiel about how she had to turn a lot of them down because they were done too often or because the person indicated the "wrong" reasons to choose it (having a "vested interest" being what she harped about).
I wished I could hold my breath but I could not...
She wanted us to be honest about our motives on there. I was. I wrote that this was my last and only chance to do something about the Dutch in a class setting, that this is what I came for and want to leave with, that for the fulfillment and peace of my heart I needed to know "my people" so that I could someday "reunite" with them, that they deserve more credit than our curriculum gives them.
Mo was allowed to have his topic on China. Adit was allowed to do India. Barend was allowed to do Texas (where he lived before he came to Canada). And I'm not allowed to do Holland. I think she's confusing "interest" with "identity." I'm not so much interested in them than feeling that I am a part of them. I am one of them. This is about what I believe is my heritage, just like Mo's China or Adit's India.
In the employment process, what she said about "vested interests" is basically the concept of "conflict of interest." (However I know that we can live with it -- Mom and Dad work in the same hospital unit and that's technically "conflict of interest.") Just because I have an unusual identification with this society doesn't mean it's going to screw me up. Might make it harder, but not impossible. The Batavian Revolution isn't even a "good" event in [Dutch] history!
There is more to be said about this, but right now is not the time. I leave you for now with this: [Saith she to me:] "you should have known what you were coming into. When you committed to this last year you saw the outline." Complete nonsense. I never saw an outline. I accepted the offer because she said I would get Dutch history, and when I pressed her about it later she said "well you can still do it for your IA." I'm not in this class because I want to learn to "think," liar. You assured my heart that I would have something and now you forbid it. And that's all I ever wanted from here.
We got our IA proposal sheets back yesterday and mine had a big fat "no" on it as if it were a big fat "0" on a math test. A lot of people did. But I did. She started delivering a long spiel about how she had to turn a lot of them down because they were done too often or because the person indicated the "wrong" reasons to choose it (having a "vested interest" being what she harped about).
I wished I could hold my breath but I could not...
She wanted us to be honest about our motives on there. I was. I wrote that this was my last and only chance to do something about the Dutch in a class setting, that this is what I came for and want to leave with, that for the fulfillment and peace of my heart I needed to know "my people" so that I could someday "reunite" with them, that they deserve more credit than our curriculum gives them.
Mo was allowed to have his topic on China. Adit was allowed to do India. Barend was allowed to do Texas (where he lived before he came to Canada). And I'm not allowed to do Holland. I think she's confusing "interest" with "identity." I'm not so much interested in them than feeling that I am a part of them. I am one of them. This is about what I believe is my heritage, just like Mo's China or Adit's India.
In the employment process, what she said about "vested interests" is basically the concept of "conflict of interest." (However I know that we can live with it -- Mom and Dad work in the same hospital unit and that's technically "conflict of interest.") Just because I have an unusual identification with this society doesn't mean it's going to screw me up. Might make it harder, but not impossible. The Batavian Revolution isn't even a "good" event in [Dutch] history!
There is more to be said about this, but right now is not the time. I leave you for now with this: [Saith she to me:] "you should have known what you were coming into. When you committed to this last year you saw the outline." Complete nonsense. I never saw an outline. I accepted the offer because she said I would get Dutch history, and when I pressed her about it later she said "well you can still do it for your IA." I'm not in this class because I want to learn to "think," liar. You assured my heart that I would have something and now you forbid it. And that's all I ever wanted from here.
