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kyrasantae
[edited UF repost]
"The only promise that I can make is that there are no other promises except for that there are no other promises."
Classes for this term end Wednesday. After that it's two weeks of exams. I can't afford any more time for this.
Either I put my time into this again, something I just don't care about anymore, and flunk out this term (which means I have to drop out of university for a year), or I try to study and squeak by. I'd rather squeak by. Because I honestly don't care about this anymore.
Like I said, NW doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
I would not have any regrets over not submitting this to them.
===
This is NOT worth dropping out of school for. And that's what it'll be if I continue.
===
What I have so far is vastly incomplete. The explanatory notes I had planned are essential. In terms of a complete work, I have basically less than 40%, nowhere near the 90% I need for something to be "good enough." (You might not understand this unless you're an artist.)
I DO NOT want this to go to them anymore. On that I WILL NOT change my mind.
If I finish this it is for my fans' sake, not for them.
This was my failing with my piano lessons...just before the Sundering, I was working on my performance diploma. After the Sundering, though, I lost interest in playing, but I kept on pushing, kept on pretending I could make it and finish this diploma, and it only broke me, and disappointed my family and my teacher more. I said that I'd be regretful forever, and that I did it for my teacher's peace of mind, but I ended up having no regrets. It was for MY peace of mind too.
For the final two years of my piano lessons, I was literally afraid to show up to my lessons, and of course, it shows when you haven't been practicing, and I'd get terribly upset when my teacher called on me for it. I was almost crying every lesson, trying to make up excuses fast enough to save myself. But my teacher knew that everything I was saying was a lie. It was simply the honest truth that I just didn't want to do it anymore, but I kept trying because everyone kept saying to me that I'm "so close to finishing, just do it."
I don't take that as a reason for doing something anymore.
The one thing I learned from that experience is that one needs to know when to stop. And I have reached that point. Any further and all that will ever happen is a downward spiral. There is no door to close.
THIS ENDS NOW.
"The only promise that I can make is that there are no other promises except for that there are no other promises."
Classes for this term end Wednesday. After that it's two weeks of exams. I can't afford any more time for this.
Either I put my time into this again, something I just don't care about anymore, and flunk out this term (which means I have to drop out of university for a year), or I try to study and squeak by. I'd rather squeak by. Because I honestly don't care about this anymore.
Like I said, NW doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
I would not have any regrets over not submitting this to them.
===
This is NOT worth dropping out of school for. And that's what it'll be if I continue.
===
What I have so far is vastly incomplete. The explanatory notes I had planned are essential. In terms of a complete work, I have basically less than 40%, nowhere near the 90% I need for something to be "good enough." (You might not understand this unless you're an artist.)
I DO NOT want this to go to them anymore. On that I WILL NOT change my mind.
If I finish this it is for my fans' sake, not for them.
This was my failing with my piano lessons...just before the Sundering, I was working on my performance diploma. After the Sundering, though, I lost interest in playing, but I kept on pushing, kept on pretending I could make it and finish this diploma, and it only broke me, and disappointed my family and my teacher more. I said that I'd be regretful forever, and that I did it for my teacher's peace of mind, but I ended up having no regrets. It was for MY peace of mind too.
For the final two years of my piano lessons, I was literally afraid to show up to my lessons, and of course, it shows when you haven't been practicing, and I'd get terribly upset when my teacher called on me for it. I was almost crying every lesson, trying to make up excuses fast enough to save myself. But my teacher knew that everything I was saying was a lie. It was simply the honest truth that I just didn't want to do it anymore, but I kept trying because everyone kept saying to me that I'm "so close to finishing, just do it."
I don't take that as a reason for doing something anymore.
The one thing I learned from that experience is that one needs to know when to stop. And I have reached that point. Any further and all that will ever happen is a downward spiral. There is no door to close.
THIS ENDS NOW.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-11 09:24 am (UTC)Maybe after the exams you find time and ideas again to finish your cd, even if it's just that the cd will be finished. But I will be the last person to nag you in that case.