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Jan. 4th, 2004 10:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kyrasantaeIs it because I am unable to dehumanize her that I can't forget and move on? Easier to release the thought if I don't think of her as a human being who was hurt? No, because that soldier-mentality thing doesn't work unless the enemy dies. She's still there. She can still haunt me if she wants to. And I'm still too afraid to go find out myself if she intends to do that -- so I ask my trusted friends to be messengers for me, but likely she'd not say anything to them as, after all, it's between me and her.
Of course I still want a sharp pointy object as soon as possible, but I don't think of it as as much of an offensive thing now, if you know what I mean. I desire it not because I dream of stabbing her (I still do, but rarely), but for that whole underlying reason of symbolic protection of the mind and literal protection of the body (I'm not sure which is more important to me right now). I really don't want to hurt anybody, despite...you know. But I can't help it.
Of course I still want a sharp pointy object as soon as possible, but I don't think of it as as much of an offensive thing now, if you know what I mean. I desire it not because I dream of stabbing her (I still do, but rarely), but for that whole underlying reason of symbolic protection of the mind and literal protection of the body (I'm not sure which is more important to me right now). I really don't want to hurt anybody, despite...you know. But I can't help it.
