kyrasantae | And now, a funny bit of Fry and Laurie (Reply)

My sister's been downloading and watching a BBC television series from the early 1990s called A Bit of Fry and Laurie, starring Stephen Fry (the voice of the Book in the recent Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie) and Hugh Laurie (Dr. House in the TV series House). It's a bit like Monty Python in that each episode is a series of skits, but the type of humour is totally different. We've only really watched the first season (out of four), but this is one of my favourite parts, from the first episode. It's too bad that half the laughs are in the actors' facial expressions.

Stephen is standing next to a black television screen which is suspended at about the level of his head. The screen turns on and Hugh's head appears on the screen.

Stephen: Um...ladies and gentlemen, we were going to be doing a sketch for you at this point —
Hugh: Uh, but we're not, now.
Stephen: Yes, we're not going to be doing it now.
Hugh: Or ever.
Stephen: Or ever, uh, probably, um, unless this country radically changes direction —
Hugh: Which looks unlikely —
Stephen: Which on the face of it, does seem to be unlikely. The reason we're not going to be doing this sketch is that it is a sketch that contains a great deal of sex and violence.
Hugh: A great deal.
Stephen: Yes. Lots of sex, lots of violence.
Hugh: During the course of this... this sketch, Stephen hits me several times with a golf club —
Stephen: Um, which in the ordinary course of events it, of course, wouldn't matter, except that I do it very sexily.
Hugh: He does it sexily... he does it... he does it so, so sexily I wish you could see it. I really do.
Stephen: The sketch ends with us going to bed together...
Hugh: Violently.
Stephen: Very, very violently. This raises problems.
Hugh: Not for me.
Stephen: No, nor indeed... nor, indeed, for me. But Sir William... Sir William (now Lord) Rees-Mogg, the chairman of the Broadcasting Standards Council, has seen our sketch and he didn't like it one bit.
Hugh: Well, he liked it one bit.
Stephen: He... he liked it one bit, but he didn't like it lots of other bits. Um —
Hugh: Now, we wouldn't want you to run off to Cornwall with the idea that Sir William's remit with the Broadcasting Standards Council is so sweeping as to be a kind of... government thought police —
Stephen: No, no, the concern, as always, is primarily for standards.
Hugh: Standards.
Stephen: Standards! For the sake of our children.
Hugh: And so, in a generous spirit of give and take, uh, Sir William has taken our sketch —
Stephen: And we have given it to him.
Hugh: And he has written another one for us to do instead, which is completely free of any gratuitous... sex and violence, —
Stephen: And shows due and proper regard for decency and —
Both: Standards, —
Hugh: Promoting family values and protecting our children.
Stephen: Uh... Sir William has called his sketch quite simply, "Bitchmother, come light my bottom."
Hugh: And, uh, we're going to do it for you now.
Stephen: So, "Bitchmother, come light my bottom," by Sir William (now Lord) Rees-Mogg.