kyrasantae (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kyrasantae) wrote2004-02-03 11:45 pm
kyrasantae) wrote2004-02-03 11:45 pm
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I look forward to the peace (but not necessarily restfulness) unfolding before me. However the subjectiveness of my current table of classes (English, Art, Social) creeps up on me. I miss science classes.
But I think that if, like now, I am confronted with that I strove for, yet bearing resemblance to part of my hate, while at the same time not provoked to commit to it the anger, I shall eventually be calm, to perhaps the point when I shall hate no more... no, but I never hated social studies in itself. Replace that with "fear it" -- "I shall fear it no more."
Then what of her? The thought of her pseudo-omniscient presence agitates me still ("once more"? I'm uncertain.) -- can a pact with hate and the devil be truly annuled? Can it be broken? Or must it be followed through to the end?
Truth be so, that my hours draw by without purpose; that every waking moment is a burden when I am without strength to carry out my wishes. But I shall never be possessing of that strength, even if the implements have I, for my wishes are beyond what our people would allow -- better they be left to the past or an imaginary place where things here now allowed are.
By that I am confined to my place, a place where common, and even the uncommon occurences are nothing but happenstance and bear no significance -- either to please or to disappoint or whatever in between -- in an unextraordinary world where, understandably, my wishes are forbidden. Nights and days offer me no rest, only another turn of the planet, nothing more.
But I think that if, like now, I am confronted with that I strove for, yet bearing resemblance to part of my hate, while at the same time not provoked to commit to it the anger, I shall eventually be calm, to perhaps the point when I shall hate no more... no, but I never hated social studies in itself. Replace that with "fear it" -- "I shall fear it no more."
Then what of her? The thought of her pseudo-omniscient presence agitates me still ("once more"? I'm uncertain.) -- can a pact with hate and the devil be truly annuled? Can it be broken? Or must it be followed through to the end?
Truth be so, that my hours draw by without purpose; that every waking moment is a burden when I am without strength to carry out my wishes. But I shall never be possessing of that strength, even if the implements have I, for my wishes are beyond what our people would allow -- better they be left to the past or an imaginary place where things here now allowed are.
By that I am confined to my place, a place where common, and even the uncommon occurences are nothing but happenstance and bear no significance -- either to please or to disappoint or whatever in between -- in an unextraordinary world where, understandably, my wishes are forbidden. Nights and days offer me no rest, only another turn of the planet, nothing more.